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[22 Jun 2005|03:08am] |
i'm committing fake, temporary LJ suicide.
i'm switching to a new username, is all.
pinkgraffiti is waaaay too tired. =/
i'll still be around to leave comments and
junk all over your journals, so don't worry.
i'll be back soon.
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[17 Jun 2005|08:44pm] |
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mood |
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artistic |
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music |
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The Police "Every Breath You Take" |
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My precious laptop came down with a bad case of Malware as of this morning. But I found the infected files and cleaned them, and my metallic angel is running as smooth as ever.
Sometimes I amaze myself with my resourcefulness.
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| My informal graduation ceremony. |
[14 Jun 2005|03:43pm] |
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I picked up my diploma about fifty-seven minutes ago. One of the secretaries presented it to me. No banners waving. No sounding of trumpets. No standing ovation. "I'm sorry. There's usually someone from the administrative staff here to give the seniors their diplomas," she explained, an expression of bored indifference painted on her overworked face. "You know, so it's special."
I walked out of the building and breathed a sigh of relief which I had waited four years to breathe. I paused for a moment and looked down at the black folder, my diploma itself tucked safely inside. My eyes traced the gold inscription on the cover, savoring each letter as if it were the last I would ever read: "Dearborn High School ... Dearborn, Michigan." I paused, letting the beautifully overwhelming feeling of accomplishment wash over me and embrace me. I actually did it, I thought to myself. I graduated.
I smiled, simply and genuinely. Then it began to rain.
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[14 Jun 2005|11:12am] |
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I've mentally forced myself back to December, picking up where my life had left off. Except it's June and Patty's gone, Katie's gone, and Reese's gone. What the fuck am I supposed to do with myself? I need them right now. Label me as selfish, but I need them a lot right now.
I have choir with Catherine tonight and I've yet to buy my binder.
Today at 2pm I have to pick up my diploma at DHS, then go to see Mrs. Atkins about my applications, assuming that she's in, which she most likely isn't because I think she exempted all of her students from coming in for final exams.
This is as good as it gets, I guess.
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[10 Jun 2005|11:55pm] |
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"My daughter just said, 'my orange juice tastes angry.' A child's view of the world is something very precious."
. . . . .
Reese called me tonight. She and her family are home for the weekend from Grand Haven. Her parents were going out to dinner, so I invited myself along with Reese and her two sisters to go get Arby's. The four of us watched 13 Going On 30 and ate green apple twizzlers and cheese puffs. Then I made them watch the Pirates of the Caribbean bloopers, because they'd never seen them. It was just like "old times."
We laughed a lot, and, for a brief time, I forgot about all of the shit that's been going on in my life.
I don't have any regrets about what I didn't go through with today. It's the end of the day, and it feels right. I'm not saying that everything in my life feels right, but rather I'm not regretting any decisions that I've made.
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| Seuss speaks to me. |
[09 Jun 2005|05:25pm] |
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"And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
"But on you will go though the weather be foul
On you will go though your enemies prowl
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
"On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are."
Give 'em hell, seniors.
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| OMFG THE TONY AWARDS. |
[05 Jun 2005|10:38pm] |
And they're not over yet; I'm just commercial-breaking on the computer.
Tim Curry is God. Well, maybe not God, but he is a god. Revision: Tim Curry is a god.
I just know we're not going to get anything accomplished in Theatre Performance tomorrow because Viscomi will be quizzing us on the Tonys. So yeah. Commercials are over.
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[04 Jun 2005|03:42pm] |
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John: "Is this heaven?"
Ray: "It's Iowa."
John: "Iowa? I could have sworn this was heaven."
(John starts to walk away.)
Ray: "Is there a heaven?"
John: "Oh yeah. It's the place where dreams come true."
(Ray looks around, seeing his wife playing with their daughter on the porch.)
Ray: "Maybe this is heaven."
I watched "Field of Dreams" on ESPN a few nights ago, and the first two lines of this conversation made me laugh.
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| I'm sorry that I'm such a mess. |
[01 Jun 2005|10:10pm] |
I went to the park this evening to watch the sunset. I just didn't know what else to do with myself, and I couldn't bear to stay holed up in my bedroom any longer, so I walked to Levagood. I sat at a park table, the same table where he and I sat last night, where we cried together and held and kissed each other for the last time. The final resting place of our relationship. And I cried, feeling like both a child and an adult. The child in me wanted to be selfish and stomp and scream and pout until she got her way. Until he would take me back. The adult in me, however, was the one who was crying, and she was crying because she knew that she had to give it up, suck it up, and keep on living, as harsh as it sounds.
Last night, I told him that I trusted him, and that I trusted him to do what he thought was right in regard to our relationship. He found reason enough for us not to be together, and I respect that, so we're not together today. We're not "Matt and Jenny" anymore, that's a fact that I don't want to come to terms with.
"It'll get easier in time," they say.
Do you want to know the truth? I don't want it to get easier. I want to go through hell with this because what he and I had was so amazing, so beautiful, so wonderfully surreal, and it would only do our relationship justice for our break-up to be difficult. He gave me life, as unbelievable as it sounds. I was dead when I met him, blindly controlled and manipulated and influenced by everyone around me, but he gave me freedom from that. He gave me life. No one's been able to break me out of myself before, but he managed to find a way, which doesn't really surprise me. He was the first and only one I allowed to save me. He was my First Love. Now he's my tragedy. He represents something that ended too soon, and everything that I can't have back but still desire to keep.
At the beginning of our relationship, I told him the only thing I wanted him to give me: stability. When he told me about attending U of I, he apologized for not being able to provide me with a sense of stability, and I didn't stop him from apologizing. Last night I realized that he gave me what I asked of him without even knowing. He was with me and I was with him, and that's all the stability either of us needed.
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[31 May 2005|12:33am] |
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Merritt's going to Florida. It just hit me. Patty's going to Mt. Pleasant, Nikki's going to Ohio, and Merritt's going to Florida. FLORIDA.
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[30 May 2005|08:36pm] |
"I never found a companion
that was so companionable
as solitude." -Thoreau
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| "You're a turkey dinner." |
[27 May 2005|02:03am] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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Eisley "Marvelous Things" |
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I fixed my layout, at least on the main page. I have to figure out how to apply the overrides to my friends page and archives. It's cute, though, right?
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[26 May 2005|06:56pm] |
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"Love all, trust a few. Do harm to none."
-William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
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[09 May 2005|08:46pm] |
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mood |
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better than before |
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music |
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RHPS "Time Warp" |
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Here's a great game to play during long car rides with friends, called "In My Pants." It's so much fun.
How to play: Think of a song, movie, book title, etc., then simply add "in my pants" afterward.
Example: My Boyfriend's Back in my pants.
Some of my favorite ones from the last round were:
- Sugar, We're Goin Down in my pants. (song title)
- We Looked Like Giants in my pants. (song title)
- Yellow Submarine in my pants. (song title)
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in my pants. (book/movie)
- Holes in my pants. (book/movie)
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[08 May 2005|10:18pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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music |
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Eisley "Beautiful" |
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Holy shit. I almost made myself nauseous with excitement while watching this. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. :D :D :D :D
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